Alford Law Office

Proposed Kentucky Family Law Legislation

2012-01-23T07:07:00.000-08:00

The current session of the Kentucky General Assembly is considering a number of bills that would affect Family Law Cases.

Senate Bill 57: This bill would require the Vital Statistics Office to provide the VS300 form in electronic format printable from the computer. Right now many offices keep a typewriter around solely for this form. This really will have little effect on parties to family law cases unless they are pro se litigants, but for family law practitioners it is a long time coming.

House Bill 35: This bill would allow courts to provide for maintenance payments by wage assignment, electronic funds transfer or other direct automatic payment method. After seeing numerous cases where a paying spouse is consistently late with maintenance payments that are needed by the receiving spouse for basic needs, this is a bill whose time has come as well.

House Bill 76: This bill amends the paternity act to include a child born to a married woman by another man. I believe most judges I practice in front of already applied the statute in this manner, but this appears to simply clarify that that is the proper procedure.

House Bill 186: This is one of the proposed changes to the domestic violence statutes that were only recently overhauled with the passage of Amanda's Law. This bill would again include members of a "dating relationship" as part of the class of individuals eligible to file for an emergency protective order/domestic violence order. This language was in the original proposed Amanda's Law, but was removed before final passage and rightfully so. As it stands, this bill would allow an EPO to be filed if the parties are eighteen or older and ". . . have or have had relationship of a romantic or intimate nature. . . " The court would have to determine if there was a "dating relationship" based on the length and nature of the relationship and the "frequency and type of interaction between the persons involved . . . ." I believed this was a mistake when it was considered in 2010 and I still think it is a mistake.

At present there are 295 bills pending in the Kentucky House and 108 in the Senate. As always, if you have any thoughts pro or con on the bills I have mentioned or any others, you are encouraged to contact your state representatives.

If Your Kids Could Make the Rules in YOUR divorce

2012-01-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

Kara Bishop at the Huffington Post recently wrote an excellent post on that site that is a must read for any parent going through a divorce. Kara works with Divorce Recovery, Inc. in Tucson, Arizona, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping people (adults and children) cope with the challenges of divorce. One of the things they do is an exercise with the 10-12 year old children in the program where they invite the children to create a set of rules they wish their parents would follow to ease their divorce and post-divorce issues. They then compiled the various rules from the children and made a list of the top rules that are often repeated by the children in the program. I would encourage you to click on the link and read the post in full, but below are the basics:

1. Don't say bad about my other parent

2. Keep us out of adult stuff

3. Don't make me feel bad about loving the other parent

4. Learn to get along for big events (ballgames, plays, graduation, etc.)

5. Don't make me choose sides

6. No fighting in front of us

7. Don't make me a messenger or put me in the middle

8. Don't share or take your anger out on me

9. Don't ask me to be a spy on my other parent

10. Give me one-on-one time with both parents

Kara Bishop is also the creator/curator of Postcards from Splitsville where she posts artwork by children expressing their thoughts on divorce. It's a touching and eye-opening view of things from a child's perspective.

Hollywood Plot Line Backfires

2012-01-05T07:38:00.000-08:00

It has been the plot line of numerous Hollywood movies and sitcoms. A sympathetic foreigner needs to become a United States citizen so some well-meaning hero agrees to marry the wannabe-American. A Northwestern University moral philosophy professor, Charles Mills, recently discovered that Illinois divorce courts take a dim view of these so-called "shell marriages." "Shell marriage" is a term used by Mills' attorney to describe the marriage he shared with his wife of seventeen years. According to a Chicago Tribune article, the marriage was never consummated and was entered into only in an effort to help his wife, a Canadian citizen, move to the United States.

When the dust settled on the nineteen day divorce trial heard in Cook County Circuit Court, Mrs. Mills was awarded $1000 per month and $126,000 to be paid over three years. This was approximately a third of the marital estate. Mrs. Mills is appealed the ruling because she believed the support award was too low given Mr. Mills' income, the length of the marriage and the age of the parties. Recently the First District Court of Appeals upheld the award.

This is an example of the seriousness with which Courts take the marriage relationship. It is not a relationship to be entered into lightly and it is certainly not one that should be ended on a whim. Nevertheless, if you believe you are getting divorced, you need the services of a skilled family law attorney to guide you through it and prevent your life from winding up like a punchline to a bad Hollywood sitcom.

MILOfest 2011

2011-11-12T08:01:00.000-08:00

In support of my congenital geekiness, I am attending MILOfest 2011. MILOfest is billed as a "Mac lovin' lawyers event." However, it is so much more than that. This is the second year that I have attended and let me just say that the speakers and presentations could not be better. These guys are true technology ninjas. Just like last year I will be coming back with WAAAAYYY more tips and tricks than I will be able to fully implement over the next year. Nevertheless, I look forward to implementing as many of these ideas into my practice as possible to improve our efficiency and our ability to serve our clients.

Follow Up on Amanda's Law

2011-11-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

In looking back over my blog (besides noting that I have not posted recently) I also realized I never followed up on my previous post on Amanda's Law. Actually, that particular post was brought to my attention by someone who thought I was somehow opposed to domestic violence protections. Let me be clear, I am not opposed to domestic violence protections for those who need it. However, I was (and remain) opposed to the idea of allowing domestic violence orders to be imposed where the parties are only in a dating relationship. The reason being is that "dating relationship" is much more difficult to define than the current definition of "unmarried couple." A member of an unmarried couple requires that the parties actually live or lived to together or have a child in common.

Amanda's Law, as it was passed, amended or created nineteen statutes involving civil and criminal cases. Numerous changes were made involving the timeline of a domestic violence case, service of process of an emergency order, and additional penalties for serious violators that can include requiring a perpetrator be required to wear a global positioning monitoring device if he/she commits a serious violation. The statutes that were amended are KRS 15.334, KRS403.720, KRS 403.740, KRS403.750, KRS 431.005, KRS 431.517, KRS 431.518, KRS 431.520, KRS 533.030 and KRS 533.250, and created KRS 67.372, KRS 67.374, KRS 403.741, KRS 403.743, KRS 403.747, KRS 403.761, KRS 403.762, and KRS 511.085.

The unfortunate reality is that the law as it was passed would not have prevented the tragic death of Amanda Ross for whom it is named. Nevertheless, the changes do provide several new options and protections for victims in Kentucky.

Kentucky Adopts New Statewide Family Court Rules

2011-01-18T14:47:00.000-08:00

For the first time, for good or for ill, Kentucky has adopted statewide rules for family court cases. The full press release issued by the Kentucky Court of Justice can be found here. A brief summary of the rules themselves has been issued by the Kentucky Supreme Court here. Finally, the full text of the rules for those of you that just have to read them in their entirety is located here.

I just spent the afternoon assisting in and taken part in a presentation to the interested members of the McCracken County Bar Association on these new rules. Without overly editorializing, I believe it is safe to say that the rules do not clarify as much as they had hoped and do nothing to simplify family law practice. Indeed, I believe that with the adoption of these rules, pro se litigants (i.e. people representing themselves) will be hard-pressed to be able to file their own cases or motions to modify child support if these rules are followed to the letter. Previously, many courts would somewhat assist or guide pro se litigants through the maze of family law requirements. However, with numerous new requirements imposed on filings just to get to the court, litigants who do not hire an attorney in an effort to save money may find that they have been penny wise and pound foolish when they consider their added stress and wasted time.

In the coming weeks I will be discussing some of the new rules and changes in a bit more detail. I am sure some of the rules will come into clearer focus after some time and application. In the meantime, if you or someone you know is considering going to court for the family law case, now is not the time to try to be a do-it yourselfer.

Even Family Court Judges Have to Vent Sometimes

2011-01-10T07:11:00.001-08:00

I guess the Honorable Joseph Quinn, a Canadian Family Court judge, finally reached his breaking point. Judge Quinn was faced with a particularly bitter divorce and custody battle between two residents of honeymoon hotspot Niagra. After a long legal battle over custody Quinn issued a 31 page opinion blasting the parents and lacing his order with sarcastic humor stating that the father had an empty "parenting toolbox" and referring to an effort by the wife to run the husband over with her car as "a telltale sign that a husband and wife are drifting apart."

While some may say such orders bring the judiciary into disrepute, I think it is good on occasion to hold a very dark mirror up so people can hopefully see how foolish their actions sometimes are.

Kentucky State Retirement & Divorce

2010-06-14T09:25:00.001-07:00

Earlier this year, the Kentucky legislature passed HB 289 which requires both Kentucky Retirement Systems (KRS) and Kentucky Teachers Retirement Systems (KTRS) to recognize qualified domestic relations orders (QDRO). [As an aside, I apologize now for the alphabet soup nature of this post. It is unavoidable when you start talking about retirement plans in general and the government's retirement plans in particular].

A QDRO is a special kind of order that is entered by a divorce court to divide the marital portion of one or both spouse's retirement account. Previously, KRS actually accepted QDROs until 2000 when a law was passed that exempted those pension benefits in the event of divorce. That law was actually repealed in 2002, but KRS still refused to honor QDROs because the revised law did not include specific language that allowed them. (Confused yet?) This resulted in an anomaly in which KRS administered QDROs issued prior to 2000, but none since then even though the law that banned them was repealed.

KTRS has not previously recognized QDROs, and this combined with recent caselaw has created some odd situations. Recent Kentucky Court of Appeals decisions resulted in come courts only exempting a teacher's retirement to the extent of the value of the non-teacher's spouse's retirement, but only if the non-teacher spouse actually had a retirement account. In other words, if you were a non-teach spouse, you could have come out better in a divorce case if you had $5.00 in an IRA rather than having no retirement account at all because by having the small/negligible retirement account, you made the balance of the teacher spouse's retirement divisible.

With the passage of the new law, KRS & KRTS will now recognize QDROs, but only if the QDRO is prepared on a form that is issued by KRS. This is a form that (1) has yet to be issued with the law going into effect in a matter of weeks, and (2) opens up a whole other host of problems with blindly being required to follow a form issued by the plan administrator (but that's for another article). In fact, according to the Spring 2010 edition of the Member Newsletter issued by the KRS, if you currently have one of those pre-2000 QDROs, you will have to actually go back to court and have the judge reissue it on KRS' new, yet-to-be drafted forms [You know the old adage, "If it ain't broke, let the government fix it."]

In the end, the change in the law will result in a leveling of the playing field in teacher and state employee property settlements. If you are state employee, a Kentucky teacher, or divorcing one, you should make sure you are aware of this new law and its ramifications.

Kentucky is Still Considering Amanda's Law

2010-03-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

The West Kentucky Star reports that the Kentucky Senate has passed a version of "Amanda's Law." This law expands the people who can file for a domestic violence order to include people who are merely in a dating relationship. Further, the version passed by the Kentucky House would allow judges to require ankle monitors for people who have a domestic violence order entered against them, which is a civil remedy and not a crime. The Senate's version limits the ankle monitor to those who have actually violated a domestic violence order which is crime and punishable as a Class A misdemeanor.

I believe the expansion of who may file a domestic violence order to be a mistake that will only increase the possibility that a law that many say is already abused will be further misused. Additionally, if you have ever seen someone in public wearing an ankle monitor you probably already realize the negative perception placed on that by the public. Requiring ankle monitors just because a domestic violence order has been entered against a person is far too onerous when no crime has actually been committed.

The push to pass this law comes from the tragic death of Amanda Ross. Her former boyfriend, and a former lawmaker, Steve Nunn is charged with her murder. Unfortunately, hard facts make bad law and this is another example.

Equal Custody Could Be a Possibility in Tennessee

2010-03-16T17:42:00.000-07:00

A bill is pending in the Tennessee legislature to equally divide parenting time. Janell Ross reports in the Tennessean that the bill would require children to spend one half of their time with each parent in a contested divorce case if the parents could not otherwise agree. If the bill passes, it would certainly put Tennessee on the forefront of this issue and make it one of, if not the, most gender-neutral states when it comes to child custody. The bill has put judges and women's groups at odds with fathers' groups who support the bill.

Neither Kentucky nor Illinois (the two states in which I practice) have such a statute. However, the courts will generally allow such a time sharing arrangement if the parties agree to it. In my experience a 50/50 time sharing arrangement can work, but there is no guarantee that it will work. Generally, in the cases in which I have seen an equal time sharing arrangement work, the parties have had a better than average relationship in spite of their separation, they present a united front on rules for the children, they have lived close to one another, and both parents were committed to putting the child's needs first. In the instances where 50/50 has worked, it has worked very well. However, not all judges in our area agree.

While most judges will approve a 50/50 time sharing arrangement if the parties agree, most also will not order such an arrangement after a contested hearing. Indeed, at least two local judges that I have routinely practiced in front of have told me in no uncertain terms that they do not approve of a 50/50 time sharing arrangement. They do not believe it to be in the children's best interest and is not stable enough especially for young children. Other judges will order a 50/50 split up until a child reaches school age in certain situations.

If you are pursuing an argument for a court to grant shared custody, the court will most likely base its decision on a number of factors. These factors include, but are not limited to:
1. The age and maturity of the children.
2. Whether the child is in school.
3. The closeness of the parent's respective residence.
4. The child's preference (if the child is old enough or mature enough to provide a preference).
5. Any disruptive effect on the child.
6. The reasonableness of the time period that the child spends with each parent.
7. The relationship between the period that the child spends with each parent.
8. The parents' attitudes towards each other and how the child will interpret these.

Also be aware, that the courts are keen to spot situations in which a parent is demanding shared custody primarily to avoid or reduce a child support obligation. Before assuming you should be granted 50/50 custody discuss the possible outcomes and likelihood with your attorney before you waste a lot of money on attorney's fees. Additionally, as with anything in your divorce, do some soul-searching and make sure that what you want truly is in the best interests of your children.

How to Conduct Yourself in Court

2010-02-11T17:25:00.000-08:00

My primary areas of practice (family law and criminal defense) result in me going to court with my clients a lot. Often success or failure can come down to simple likeability. Likeability can come down to how you conduct yourself in court. There are some basic rules of conduct anyone going to court should follow:

1. Dress appropriately. Conservative dress is usually best. Most courts have local rules establishing a dress code for lawyers practicing in front of the judges. Do you know why? It's because judges care about how people dress and appear in their courtroom. Appropriate dress won't necessarily guarantee success, but inappropriate dress can assure failure. Dont show up to court for your DUI with a Corona T-shirt or pot leaf logo. I once saw a judge refuse to grant a guy probation essentially because the guy did not have his shirt tucked in when he appeared for sentencing.

2. Think about why you are going to court. If you are going to court because you are behind on your child support, it may not be the best time to show up in your new sneakers and gold chains. My favorite story is the time I represented a woman trying to collect past due child support and I subpoenaed the ex-husband's new fiancee who showed up to court with the new diamond ring he had purchased her.

3. Be respectful at all times. Common courtesy and civility go a long way when dealing with the court and opposing counsel. Being disrespectful and rude will not earn you any points at all and will only serve to destroy your credibility. The last thing any judge wants is to see his/her court devolve into a shouting match with insults flying between the parties.

4. Do not take it personally. Believe me, I realize that it is easy for me to tell you not to take it personally when it is not my life that is hanging in the balance. Nevertheless, this all goes back to likeability. If opposing counsel (or the opposing party) starts getting personal or seems to be trying to incite you, they probably are. If I know I can push an opponent's buttons, I most likely am going to push them. Someone who gets upset easily will make a mistake. Don't let that be you. Your attorney will jump in if the other side goes too far.

5. Collect your thoughts. Don't speak off the cuff. Before answering a question or making a statement, take a moment to collect your thoughts. Make sure you understand the questions asked of you. Think before you speak.

6. Respond to the issues at hand. I realize you have a lot of information that you want to get across to the court. However, it will not make sense if it is not presented properly and, frankly, much of it is not vital to your case. Go over your facts with your attorney and pay attention to how he is leading you though it. Do not take your attorney's questions as an invitation to give an extended soliloquy.

7. When in doubt, don't be a jerk.

Coming to the courtroom prepared, presentable and remaining calm and collected will carry you one step closer to your goal.

Illinois Drivers to Prosecutors: "Not so fast"

2009-11-09T07:06:00.000-08:00

For years Illinois law enforcement officials have used lidar guns to catch speeders on Illinois highways. Lidar is different from radar in that it uses light waves instead of radio waves. The Chicago Tribune is reporting that many speeding tickets in which the officer used lidar are being thrown out because the science behind the technology has not been legally established in court with a Frye hearing. The Cook County judges' opinions are not uniformly shared across the state, but it is certainly worth exploring before simply pleading guilty the next time you get a speeding ticket. You can read the full text of the Tribune article here.

Spousal Loss of Consortium in Kentucky Wrongful Death Cases

2009-10-01T07:47:00.000-07:00

Today the Kentucky Supreme Court released a unanimous opinion that brings Kentucky in line with the majority of the rest of the country. The ruling allows a loss of consortium claim in wrongful death cases. Prior to this ruling Kentucky was one of only four other states that refused to allow a loss of consortium claim in wrongful death cases. The change comes about in the wake of the tireless efforts of numerous individuals especially the families of the victims of the Comair 5191 crash. The full text of the opinion can be read here.

I Need to Take 1/2 of a Permanent Vacation

2009-09-24T06:46:00.000-07:00

In a case that has potential ramifications for future divorce litigation, the Illinois Supreme Court heard oral arguments on Wednesday about the divisibility of accumulated vacation days. The Quad City Times reports that at issue is whether a non-employee spouse is entitled to a share of the value of accumulated vacation days. The trial court had awarded the wife $15,000 as her share of her husbands days finding that the days were akin to money in a savings account. The ruling was reversed on appeal and then granted discretionary review.

It should be interesting to see how this pans out. I would imagine that the Court's ruling would have to take into consideration how the accumulated days are treated by the employee spouse's employer. For instance, if the days are treated as a benefit that can be liquidated or compensated upon separation from employment, I believe there would be much more support for a ruling favoring their divisibility. However, if the employer's benefit package is more of a "use it or lose it" form, I do not see how the Court can divide an asset in which the employee spouse is not truly vested.

The next step could very well be an argument that one spouse is dissipating marital assets by using vacation days to take off from work to attend divorce proceedings in which the vacation days are being divided by the court. Stay tuned.

Visitation? Time-sharing? Why Not Memory Time?

2009-08-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

In the course of handling numerous family law cases and mediating such cases for other attorneys, I talk with people who get hung up on the semantics of referring to time with the children as "visitation." Others hate to refer to it as "timesharing" or "parenting time." Arguments usually go something like, "I'm not a babysitter or some visitor, it should not be "visitation." Likewise, I hear, "My kids are not condos, why should it be called timesharing?" or "I don't stop being a parent just because I am not with my kids, why call it parenting time?" The fact of the matter is that in the event of a divorce or two-household (or more) family, the court has got to delineate how the child's time will be divided between (or among) the litigants. Moreover, other than whatever slight ego-bruise someone gets from whichever term the court uses, the main thing is that you get to spend time with your kids.

I was fortunate enough that my parents never got divorced (as a matter of fact come November they will celebrate forty-six years together). However, when I was about thirteen, my mom took a job that required her to work on Saturdays. Since I could not drive yet, this left me and my dad home by ourselves. It became a tradition that we would fix Polish sausage with grilled peppers & onions, watch old war movies or Westerns and discuss politics & history. My dad and I were pretty different when I was growing up. He was more of an outdoorsman, while I was more of bookworm and a geek (surprise!). Nevertheless, we found a way to connect in a way that really seemed kind of inconsequential at the time. Looking back on those times twenty-plus years later, those are some of my favorite memories. Just me & dad visiting together over lunch and old movies, sharing time, parent & child. I really don't care what you call the time we spent. To me, it was pretty awesome.

Mediation: Here's Your Chance

2009-07-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

A growing number of courts are requiring parties going through family law cases to attempt to mediate their disputes before they are given a hearing date. I admit, I used to be a mediation naysayer before cases I sent to mediation kept getting settled. Now, I actually mediate cases for other lawyers and have a pretty good success rate.

What I have found is the great advantage of mediation is the fact that it actually puts the power back in the hands of the parties. By going to a final hearing, you are entrusting your family and your future to a judge whose only knowledge of your family is what he/she learns from reading the pleadings and what she can learn in just a few hours of a hearing. In mediation, the parties are free to craft an agreement that may not work for any other family, but it actually works for that family. The odds of having a successful mediation are increased exponentially by actually preparing for your mediation.

I am consistently amazed with the number of people who show up for mediations completely unprepared. While you do not necessarily need to bring every exhibit you would introduce at a final hearing. If you are going to discuss child support, you should at least bring your income information.

Another opportunity that many people never take advantage is to send information to the mediator before the mediation. Whenever, I schedule a mediation, I send a letter to the parties or their attorneys and to explain the process to them and inform them that I will review any information they wish to send me ahead of time. Some don't send anything and some send a few of the pleadings. However, the ones that improve their chances of success the most are the ones that actually write up a brief summary of their case and provide the mediator with a frank evaluation of the merits of their case, its relative weaknesses and what points on which they are willing to give ground. Such letters are kept in the strictest of confidence by the mediator, but still give the mediator an idea of what issues are most important to that party. Often being able to identify the issues that can be resolved the easiest, helps build momentum and increases the chances of resolving the bigger issues.

People find that, in the long run, they are much happier and satisfied with a mediated result which they had a hand in crafting than with one that is forced on them by the judge. Your chance of getting such a result are greatly improved with a little planning. This is your chance.

Refuse to Wean, Then Get a Machine

2009-04-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, but I could not resist using that quote from an article from Canada's Globe & Mail. The article details the ruling of an Ontario Superior Court judge who told a mother that insisted on breastfeeding her child that she would either have to wean the child or use a breast pump in order to allow the father to have reasonable visitation with the parties' child. The mother had historically used a rigorous breastfeeding schedule to frustrate the father's time with the child. By the time the judge made the ruling, the child was 29 months old and still being breastfed. This case was actually reported by the American Bar Association as well. It actually not that rare of an occurrence.

Here in in Western Kentucky and Southern Illinois, I have had cases involving mothers of infants who insist that they absolutely, positively must breastfeed their child. Speaking as a father of two healthy children, I completely agree that mother's milk is the way to go. I have read material from the La Leche League and talked to doctors, nurses, etc. over the course of presenting, defending and attacking such cases (one in which a mom actually wanted to breastfeed a child until they were five years old/starting kindergarten). The simple fact is this, the mother's desire to breastfeed must be carefully weighed against the father's right to bond with the child.

In the eyes of every judge I have had the issue before, whether male or female, they have all ruled the same, a child has a right to have a relationship with both parents. Like it or not, it is as it should be.

Fighting the Urge to Fight for the Kids

2009-04-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

It surprises me how often parents are willing to entrust a complete stranger, someone who has never met them or their children, with deciding their family's future based on what that stranger can learn about them in a relatively brief hearing.

As many of you who know me or have spent any time perusing my firm's website know, I mediate a number of cases for other attorneys. I begin by discussing the process and explain to the participants that mediation is their chance to take control of their own destiny and their family's future.

Several weeks ago I handled a mediation in which, I thought the parties were close to an agreement in which they would essentially each see their child for about half the time. At the last minute, one of the parties pulled out of the mediation because this party wanted to go to court so the child would not think that this person had not fought for the child. I saw one of the attorneys involved in the case recently and asked how it turned out. The person that wanted to "fight for the child" lost and now will only see the child about every other weekend instead of fifty percent of the time.

Occasionally, there are certainly instances in which someone should not appease the other side simply for the sake of settlement, for example, if the child would be somehow endangered by liberal time with the other parent (e.g. instability, physical abuse, etc.). In those instances, it most certainly is warranted to have your day in court. What I see on a regular basis are people who refuse to reach a compromise simply out of a misguided sense of ego and pride. These are the people who simply cannot bring themselves to reach an agreement with the other parent because they have built up such animosity towards the other party that any agreement would equate to some sort of capitulation that their pride will not allow. These people usually rationalize their decision by saying they are fighting for their children.

Custody litigation is some of the most brutal and personal litigation that there is. It is akin to bare knuckles boxing in which the most minute human frailty is exposed, laid bare and then blown out of proportion. Every skeleton is forcefully ripped from its closet and every family secret is told. In warzones such as these, everyone is affected, especially the children; no matter what you think. Moreover, there is rarely an easily discernible "winner" but it is usually pretty easy to tell who walks out feeling like they lost. Usually, it's everyone and the family is never the same. So, if you ever find yourself in the situation where you feel like you need to "fight for your kids," stop and think about whether it's that urge that your really need to fight.

Guy's Night Out at Maiden Alley a Big Success

2009-04-01T17:18:00.000-07:00

A big thanks to everyone who turned out for the first "Guys' Night Out" at Maiden Alley Cinema sponsored by the Alford Law Office. The White Russians were flowing in honor of the feature, "The Big Lebowski."

Everyone had a great time and I look forward to seeing more people in June for the next feature. Stay tuned to the MAC's website for more info.

Anybody Else Notice That the Definition of Marriage Changed?

2009-03-27T07:43:00.001-07:00

Regardless of where you stand on the issue, the ABA Journal reports this morning that the definition has, in fact, changed. It reports that Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary has included a secondary definition of "marriage" to mean "the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage." This was also reported in the Adjunct Professor Blog. Apparently, the definition change actually took place in 2003, but giving the change more academic weight is the fact that the Oxford English Dictionary has also included a secondary definition of marriage in draft versions of its latest edition.

Perhaps, this news is essentially a semantic debate as realistically many states have moved to ban gay marriage or to otherwise define the term as a union between one man and one woman. Surprisingly, California was the most recent state to ban gay marriage with the passage of Prop 8. Nevertheless, worldwide, gay marriage/civil unions have gained much more acceptance as this older BBC article discusses.

In the end, whether you support changing the definition of marriage or you do not, the fact is the traditional concept of the American family is changing. No longer is it simply Ward, June, Wally & the Beaver. Regardless of the dictionary's definition, our laws will have to continue to evolve to handle the changing social landscape.

Dealing With Your Spouse During Divorce

2009-03-04T10:50:00.001-08:00

Divorce often brings out the worst in people. Sometimes it is difficult to wrap your mind around the fact that the love of your life is no longer looking out for your best interests. Deception and self-interest are the rules of the day. The following are some guidelines to get you through the case, and even the post-divorce life.

1. Love is gone; substitute politeness or, at a minimum, tolerance. This is doubly true if you our have children.

2. Be skeptical of anything your spouse tells you. Assume half of it is said in self-interest and the other half is false. Always verify.

3. Keep your poker face on and play your cards tight to the chest. Don't let the spouse know how much you know.

4. There is nothing wrong with walking away from an argument or conflict or hangung up the phone when a conversation turns ugly.

5. Expect your spouse to resent your lawyer and attempt to undermine his authority/influence. You pay your lawyer for his advice, listen to it not your spouse.

6. Don't enter into private negotiations without your lawyer's knowledge and advice.

7. Don't agree to anything or sign anything without talking to your lawyer first.

8. When in doubt, believe your lawyer, not your spouse.

9. Your lawyer is your first layer of insulation from your spouse's negativity. Learn the phrase, "Have your lawyer call my lawyer," and use it frequently.

10. Don't rub in your legal victories. Losers always try to even the score which will only result in more litigation for you.

11. Get a P.O. Box or a locking mailbox. The last thing you need is for your spouse to intercept your mail.

12. Assume that all of your phone calls are being recorded and all of your online communications are being logged or printed. Don't say or write anything that you would not want presented in court. Remember, just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't following you.

13. Do not, under any circumstances, keep anything connected to your case anywhere to which your spouse also has access. Doing so risks your spouse learning your entire case strategy.

14. Do not presume that your lawyer receives copies of any correspondence, legal pleadings, or notices that your receive in the mail or by judicial process. Upon receiving such documents, contact your lawyer immediately. Please learn to discern the difference between documents you receive directly and those CC'd to you by your lawyer to keep you informed of your case.

15. Do not be intimidated by your spouse if he/she gives you an ultimatum or deadline to accept and offer or proposition. Chances are that offer will remain on the table long enough for you to discuss it with your lawyer if he/she really wants to settle. If not, then the court can decide on a fair and equitable resolution.

Keeping these rules in mind will significantly ease your stress level during the course of your case.

Some Thoughts on Parenthood

2009-02-13T09:15:00.000-08:00

I found this on the Joel Parker's website and thought it was hilarious. Hopefully, you will too.

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing God said to them was: "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam asked.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit, said God."

"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?" Adam and Eve asked, jumping up and down excitedly.

"It's over there," said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and he was very angry.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you do it?" God asked exasperatedly.

"I dunno," Adam answered.

God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is a reassurance In this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give your children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be so hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling his children, what makes you think it should be a piece of cake for you?

Maiden Alley Cinema's Guys Night Out

2009-02-06T09:21:00.000-08:00

I just signed on to be a sponsor for Maiden Alley Cinema's "Guys' Night Out" movie series. For those of you in the Paducah, Kentucky, area, if you are not familiar with Maiden Alley Cinema, you are missing out. The MAC is an amazing resource in our community for movies that are often overlooked by the big movie chains. If you have never been, you owe it to yourself to check it out.

The Guys' Night Out series will be held on the fifth Tuesdays and starts on March 31, 2009, with "The Big Lebowski." White Russians will be served, but no word yet on whether you will be able to get a toe there. Show up in your best Lebowski attire and join us for a great evening of fun and movies.

Tax Time and Child Support Issues

2009-01-26T14:04:00.001-08:00

When involved with a child custody case, it is a pretty common occurrence to also deal with who will be allowed to claim the child dependency exemption. Although the IRS will not allow the dependency exemption to be split in any one year, there is ample authority for a court to allocate the right the claim the dependency exemption. Usually, this takes the form of the parties alternating the years in which each is allowed to claim the child. Be aware, that the custodial parent may be required to execute IRS Form 8332 in order for the non-custodial parent to be allowed to claim the child.

A problem arises when the non-custodial parent is also paying child support and is behind on that support at the end of the year. For those of you lucky enough to live in the sunshine state, I understand that Florida has a specific statute that states a child support obligor may not claim the child tax dependency exemption if he/she is in arrears on that support obligation. While Kentucky has no such statute, there is support in the case law to allow you to have your attorney go back to court and request that the delinquent obligor be barred from claiming the children until the arrearage is caught up. Further, since the tax dependency exemption is something that is usually raised during settlement negotiations, your attorney should condition your assent of that division on the non-custodial parent's child support obligation being current at the end of the calendar year.

For more information on the tax implications of divorce, you should check out the IRS' Publication 504.

Perspectives of a Legal Career

2009-01-07T08:28:00.000-08:00

I have been invited to speak at my alma mater, Southern Illinois University School of Law during one of their spring open houses for admitted students. I will be speaking on March 2, 2009, at 11:00am at a session entitled "Perspectives of a Legal Career: Alumnae Speak About the Profession." This will be a panel discussion where practicing lawyers give their thoughts on the legal profession, advice for those entering the profession, etc.

Staying Together for the Children?

2009-01-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

My wife and I just got back from chaperoning church's youth retreat. Two days of sleeping on an inflatable mattress, cooking for and hanging out with thirty-three adolescents. (Some of you may have followed my updates on Twitter as we were shopping for supplies this past weekend. If you aren't following my updates, shame on you! Friend me up at www.twitter.com/jeffalford) This retreat drove home some things I already knew; primarily, kids today have to deal with so much more than we ever had to at their age. The other thing that impressed me was how resilient kids are.

This time of year especially family law practitioners hear potential clients talk more about staying together for the children, usually to get through the holidays. As a general matter, I get asked pretty often about staying together for the children, either temporarily or for the long haul, and whether it is a good idea. The fact is, I can not answer that question for anyone, no lawyer can.

There is a wealth of information on the effects of divorce on children. One excellent study was performed by Judith Wallerstein. Her initial study from 1979 showed that children do suffer from a divorce. She performed a follow-up study with the same subjects, this time as adults, and found that children of divorce continue to suffer as adults.

The counter argument is that living in a dysfunctional home with two parents who do not want to be together, is just as detrimental to children and can have just as many negative effects. As a matter of fact, there is other evidence that children of divorce can, and often do, recover and lead normal, well-adjusted lives as adults. A much more in-depth review of the research can be found at the Counselorlink website.

In the end, the decision of whether to stay together for the children and how a divorce might affect the children, comes down to the children themselves. The potential divorce' knows (or should know) their kids better than anyone else and, like all decisions in a divorce, it is a very personal and case-specific decision to be made after much prayer and introspection. If the ultimate decision is to divorce, then the parties should do absolutely everything in their power to reduce the stress and damage to their children.

Non-Parent Visitation

2008-12-19T10:24:00.000-08:00

In the ever changing landscape of American families, many non-parents develop strong, often parent-like, relationships with children. The grandparents that help their son raise his daughter. The stepparent who coached all of his stepson's little league games. The aunt that took in her niece while mom gets settled in a new town with a new job. The problem arises when the parent decides the non-parent should no longer be in the child's life.

Eight years ago, the U.S. Supreme Court in Troxel v. Granville said that a fit parent has a superior right over all others to make determinations about the raising of his or her child, including who may visit with them. Up to that point various states had instituted, often very broad, grandparent or non-parent visitation statutes. Troxel sent the states scrambling to repeal those statutes or revise them to try to pass Constitutional muster. In 2004, the Kentucky Court of Appeals, handed down the Vibbert v. Vibbert case that went from making grandparent visitation impossible, to just really hard. Nevertheless, Vibbert gives hope to grandparents who have practically raised their grandchildren, to be allowed regular time with the child.

This, however, begs the question of the standing of other non-parents to petition the court for visitation. In Kentucky, even the Vibbert case hinged on KRS 405.021, which only specifically mentions grandparents. In fact, at least one case has stated that great-grandparents, who are not specifically mentioned in the statute do not have standing. The few cases that granted visitation to step-parents predate the Troxel decision and may no longer be upheld. Nevertheless, the Kentucky Supreme Court's recent decision in Pennington v. Marcum as well as other caselaw would put the best interest of the child as paramount, so a strong relationship with the child may possibly be enough to convince a court that there is sufficient standing to proceed.

Whatever the result, it is not a proceeding that should be taken up lightly and will, no doubt, result in intense litigation. The movant should be prepared for a protracted battle and make sure that he/she truly has the child's best interest in mind before proceeding.

Alford Law Office 2nd Annual Client Appreciation Night!

2008-11-30T20:10:00.000-08:00

All of the friends and clients of the Alford Law Office are invited to join us for an evening at Maiden Alley Cinema. This year we will be showing "Miracle on 34th Street." This is the original, black & white version with Natalie Wood up on the big screen. Doors open at 6:00pm and we will start the show at about 6:30. There will be giveaways and the concession stand will be open with popcorn & sodas on me.

We are hoping to have a full house, so get there early. It's first come, first served. Imagine that, a lawyer actually giving something back. Hope to see you there. Merry Christmas!

Can I File to Divorce My Stepmother?

2008-11-17T13:12:00.000-08:00

The ABA Journal today reports on the interesting case of Mr. Claude Thomas, 87, of Ellis County, Texas. According to the article, Mr. Thomas' son, Keith Thomas, was unaware his father had gotten married to Ms. Susana Ramirez, 45, until the younger Thomas received a call about overdraft charges from his father's bank. Now, Keith Thomas is attempting to secure a divorce for his father whom the Dallas Morning News is in the beginning stages of dementia.

I was actually involved in a similar case several years ago. In that case, the father actually remained pretty sharp, but had been conned into marrying a barmaid from his local watering hole. Not long after she had a ring on her finger, she started taking dad for everything he owned. It got so bad, she did not even live with him, but would show up once a month when he received his pension check and wipe him out. Unfortunately, since the father retained sufficient capacity to understand what was happening, we could not get the marriage voided. However, I successfully argued that her share of the marital estate should be drastically reduced due to the fact that she really had not contributed anything to the marriage. It was a bizarre case and I truly believe the old man was just hanging on out of stubbornness. We got him divorced and he then passed away before all of the property issues were settled so we had to substitute his estate into the divorce case.

Fortunately, in my case the father had capacity to sign the divorce petition. In situations where a petitioner lacks capacity, his guardian generally cannot prosecute a divorce action on his behalf. These types of cases illustrate the importance of having a strong estate plan in place and keeping an eye on relatives that might be vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

Now an Offical Court of Justice Approved Mediator

2008-11-14T08:34:00.000-08:00

I am proud to announce that I have been officially approved and listed by the Kentucky Court of Justice as a Family Law Mediator for McCracken County, Kentucky. I am awaiting approval for Ballard, Graves, Livingston and Marshall Counties as well. Although family law mediation has been a significant part of my practice for years, it is nice to be recognized and approved by the state. To learn more about Family Law Mediation, please review the articles elsewhere on this site.

Alford M.I.A.

2008-11-08T18:19:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts as of late. This is normally a slow time of year, but I have had a CRAZY trial schedule as of late. I have a new article on grandparent visitation in the works and the Kentucky Supreme Court recently shook things up on custody/time sharing modification with a couple of recent decisions. I hoping to have at least one new post of interest up later next week. Keep your fingers crossed.

The Changing Law of Custody and Same-Sex Couples

2008-09-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

Findlaw and the Associated Press reported today that a Montana judge has ruled in favor of a woman who sought parental rights to a boy and girl adopted by her former same-sex partner. It appears to be a first in Montana, a state where the voters rejected same sex marriage in 2004 by a margin of 2 to 1. It is interested to read the language of the Montana judge's opinion compared to the recent Kentucky Supreme Court case of S.J.L.S. v. T.L.S.

In the Kentucky Supreme Court case, "S" and "T" were a lesbian couple and S gave birth to a child using artificial insemination with a donor chosen by T. After the birth of the child, T petitioned for and by agreement received permanent joint custody. Two years later, the couple split up and T filed for adoption alleging that she was a step parent and the adoption was somehow granted without appeal. The case actually arose because S two years after the fact tried to set aside the adoption. I do not intend for this blog to become a legal research site, so I will just direct you to Diana L. Skaggs' wonderful Kentucky Divorce Law Blog for a more thorough analysis of the case.

Suffice it to say, the law involving same-sex couples is definitely a gray area right now and practitioners and clients alike should tred carefully.

Protecting Your Child's Identity

2008-09-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I learned of a boy in our church whose stepfather was using his social security number to obtain work. His stepfather, it turned out, was an illegal alien. Although, this guy probably did not intend any true malice to his stepson, there is still no telling the damage that he did to this poor kid's credit before the boy even got out of grade school.

By now, most people use personal shredders and e-mail filters to protect themselves from identity thieves. However, there is a growing trend of children being the targets of these crooks. There are several reasons for this increase in theft of child identities. Children in our country are assigned a social security number almost immediately at birth. With that number comes a clean credit history. Moreover, it is often years before the child has any financial dealings that would require the child to keep an eye on his credit. If a thief can get his hands on a toddler's social security number, he may have as many as eighteen years to run up credit card debt and cause other mayhem.

The Better Business Bureau reports that in 2006, identity fraud cost United States citizens an estimated $56.6 billion. The United Postal Service estimates that more than 9.9 million Americans were victims of identity theft/fraud last year. Nevertheless, by taking some basic precautions and teaching your children to protect their personal information can go a long way to protecting their future.

1. Teach your child not to give personal information.

2. Shred all papers to be thrown away that contain account numbers or Social Security numbers. Be sure to use a cross-cut shredder that cuts both vertically and horizontally. It makes it much more difficult for a dumpster diving thief to reassemble shredded documents.

3. Store your child’s Social Security card in a safe place at home or in a safe deposit box. That means you should not carry your child's Social Security card with you in your wallet or purse. You would not believe the number of clients I have seen packing that thing around with them.

4. If you receive a credit application in the mail, don't ignore it or laugh it off, investigate. This could be a red flag that your child’s identity has been compromised. The earlier you get on correcting possibly identity fraud, the easier it is to fix it.

5. If you have reason to believe there may be fraud, write (certified return receipt) to the three credit reporting agencies and ask for a credit report in your child’s name. A child should not have a credit report, because minors are unable to enter into contracts. You can find a sample letter and addresses here.

6. If you discover a credit report, ask to have all accounts, applications and collection notices removed, and have a free security freeze put on the file.

7. If you think there may be a problem, contact the Social Security Administration for a copy of an earnings statement for your child. If it shows that your child has earned wages, it could indicate theft. Details and forms are available at here.

In our modern world, this is just another area where we, as parents, must remain ever vigilant.

I guess we truly are in a gas crisis

2008-09-24T18:42:00.000-07:00

The Associated Press is reporting on their website that a Clarksburg, West Virginia, man has been charged with battery of a police officer for allegedly passing gas toward the arresting officer. Apparently the officer had arrested the man for driving under the influence and the man passed gas while the officer was preparing the breathalyzer.

Is this really what we have come down to? This sounds like an example of a cop basically trying to show a suspect "who's boss." I personally think this is totally ridiculous. Besides, doesn't this defendant have a right to remain silent, but deadly?

Granparents Raising Grandkids

2008-09-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

It is a fact that we are seeing an increasing number of grandparents acting as primary caregivers for their grandchildren. According to U.S. Census data 6.1 million grandparents have grandchildren living in their home. Of that figure, 40 percent are the primary care providers for those children. As a family law practitioner, in the time I have practiced, I have seen an increase in the number of grandparents seeking custody and/or visitation with their grandchildren.

Although grandparental custody or visitation can only be awarded in certain limited circumstances in Kentucky, those limited circumstances seem to be occurring more and more regularly. The legal issues that face grandparents as primary care providers for grandchildren are numerous. Fortunately, the Bluegrass Area Development District, Bluegrass Area Agency on Aging, and Access to Justice Foundation Legal Helpline for Older Kentuckians has developed a Handbook for Kentucky Grandparents. This is a very useful resource that discusses the myriad of legal issues, benefits, and programs available to assist non-parent custodians. As with any such publication, it cannot replace the advice of an experienced lawyer who can give you counsel tailored to your specific needs, but it is an excellent resource nonetheless.

Twitter Twitter

2008-09-16T15:40:00.001-07:00

Ok, I am giving in to my geekiness and giving twitter another shot. I toyed with it a bit over the summer, but, frankly, was too busy starting other projects to start "tweeting" as well. Now that the kids are back in school, I am giving it another go. If you are in to Twitter, please click the link in the side bar and follow me. Who knows, maybe there is something to this whole social networking web 2.0 stuff.

Something to Think About . . .

2008-09-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

Representative government and trial by jury are the
heart and lungs of liberty. Without them we have no
other fortification against being ridden like horses,
fleeced like sheep, worked like cattle and fed and
clothed like swine and hounds.

---John Adams (1774)

Addressing the Kentucky Justice Association

2008-09-04T04:13:00.001-07:00

I'm in Louisville to speak at the Kentucky Justice Association Convention today (formerly the Kentucky Academy of Trial Attorneys). I am giving a presentation entitled "The Nuts & Bolts of Kentucky Divorce Law." The idea is to educate lawyers who may not regularly handle family law on how to work their way through a divorce case. I think you can still register by calling Ellen Sykes at 502-339-8890. I hope to see you there.

10 Things Children Teach Their Parents

2008-08-31T13:52:00.001-07:00

Jim Stevens in Men's Health Magazine had the following list in a recent article titled "10 Things Children Teach Their Fathers," but I think it probably applies equally to both parents.

1. It feels great to run and not worry about how fast or how far.
2. The only thing funnier than a fart joke is an actual fart. Bonus points if it's at the dinner table or in church (Editor's note, while I, personally, agree with this sentiment, my wife would strongly disapprove.)
3. Remember homework? Yeah, it sucks and kids have a lot more of it these days.
4. Compared with your kid, you were a moron at age 10. All that homework is paying off.
5. The only role models who have any actual impact are the ones at the dinner table.
6. Cookies taste better if you make them.
7. Dreams propel us forward. Even outlandish ones. Especially outlandish ones.
8. Genes are ridiculously powerful.
9. Your dad enjoyed wine for a good reason.
10. The world isn't screwed. Most kids are good. There are a lot of smart young people taking over our planet.

Again, enjoy the long weekend and go teach your kids something. You might learn a thing or two yourself.

Comin' Atcha Live from the Mid-South

2008-08-30T07:03:00.001-07:00

My wife and I sneaked off to Memphis for a little break and to take in a concert from one of our favorite artists, Tupelo, Mississippi's own Mr. Paul Thorn. For those of you who don't know Paul Thorn, he is a singer-songwriter in the same vein as John Hiatt, John Prine, and Delbert McClinton and I believe his latest album was number one on the Americana charts earlier this year. This was about the sixth time Jill and I have seen him and he and the band never disappoint.

As an added bonus, when we got here we discovered that Steve Poltz was the opening act. My kids will be so jealous! Poltz wrote a song with his former band called "Hitchhiker Joe" that my kids love and sing all the time. (He also wrote a little song with some girl named Jewel you might have called "You Were Meant for Me," but my kids are way more impressed with "Hitchhiker Joe.")

At any rate, it's always nice to take a breather after a hectic week (I had about half a dozen evidentiary hearings in two states this week) and kick back with family and friends. I hope everyone else out there has a great Labor Day!

That's it! I want my pound of flesh!!!

2008-08-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

It's over! He's come home smelling of another woman's perfume for the last time. You've found where she has been e-mailing risque' photos of herself to her new boyfriend. Whatever the reason, you have decided it's time to file for divorce and it's going to be a war. STOP.

Before you go off half-cocked and do anything out of revenge, spite, or just plain stupidity. Consider this article from the Orlando Sentinel on the "Dos and Don'ts of Divorce." A special thanks to the Kentucky Family Law Blawg for the reference to the article. Additionally, consider the article I have posted on my site here on pre-divorce planning.

Keeping your head and doing a little planning before the papers start flying can save you a great deal of heartache down the road.

First Federal Adoption Survey to Include Men

2008-08-07T11:20:00.000-07:00

There were a few surprises in the first federal adoption survey to include men. The AP and Findlaw.com report that among them is the fact that men adopt more often than women; twice the rate of women as a matter of fact. The usual situation is where the child is the man's stepchild. Additionally, the survey found that the rate of unmarried women putting children up for adoption dropped by approximately eight percent since 1973. The full story can be found here.

The Thin Line of Twelve

2008-08-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

I have been posting quite a bit about family law lately, but I also handle a number of criminal cases. It's ironic since my sister and most of her immediate family as well as my brother are in law enforcement or corrections. My wife even did a stint as a probation office case worker. Needless to say, but I will say it anyway, family reunions are . . . interesting (and not just for my witty repartee). Criminal defense attorneys and the jury system itself are often vilified. That's why I was pleased to see that September's Men's Health magazine named "A courtroom jury trial from the jury box" as one of its "15 Must-See Sights."

The article's discussion of jury service succinctly reminds us that our civic duty is a privilege in a country guided by the rule of law and a bulwark against oppression and injustice. Check it out and while your at it, do yourself a favor and add "Twelve Angry Men" to your Netflix cue (I'm talking about the moving Henry Fonda version not the made-for-tv remake involving Tony Danza. If you enjoy the acting talents of Mr. Danza, that is fine . . . just stop reading my blog.)

Back to School Blues

2008-08-05T10:06:00.000-07:00

August in Western Kentucky marks the start of school. It's sad really, when I was a kid we never went back to school before September. As I type that, I realize how old those sort of statements make me sound.

At any rate, now is a time of a lot of changes in your child's life. New teachers, possibly a new school, new schedules, new extracurricular activities, etc. Whether you are the primary custodian of your child or not, chances are, if you live in Kentucky, you have joint legal custody. Therefore, you are entitled to all the same information as the custodial parent from the school. Most school districts now have very detailed websites chock-full of information like school calendars, special event announcements, teacher's names, and all kinds of other information about the facilities where your child will be spending a large portion of his/her life. If you have a child in McCracken County, our school district's website is located here.

Whether you are the primary custodian of the child or not, now is a good time to make the commitment to taking an active roll in your child's life. Here are some tips and ideas for strengthening your bond with your child:

Make plans to go to back to school night and get to know your child's teacher. Talk to the teacher about any subjects you or she believes your child struggles with. Work with the teacher on creative ways to help your child. If your is not having any problems, plan a reward of some sort for the good report.
If your work schedule permits, you might volunteer to be a homeroom parent or let the teacher know you would be available to come and speak for career day.
If your child's school allows it, make the commitment to eating lunch with him at least once per month (FYI, although most schools will let you buy a lunch in the cafeteria, I don't recommend it. School food has not gotten any better since we were kids).
Get a copy of the schedule for the sport, band, or whatever activity your child is involved with and be at either the practices or the games whether it is "your time" or not. If it is held at a public place and you are not causing a disruption or otherwise violating the law or court order, the other parent cannot prevent you from being there. You might even consider volunteering to be a coach.

Whether you are a divorced parent or not, getting involved with your child's school will reward you in numerous ways, the most important being a strengthened bond with your child.

Simple Rules for Being a Lawyer

2008-07-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

I have been a practicing, officially licensed lawyer now for about eight years. I say "officially licensed" because, like a number of others, I actually stated representing others under the supervision of other lawyers while I was in law school working for my alma mater's legal clinic and a local prosecutor's office. It was while I was in law school and not yet a "baby lawyer" that I attended a lecture by Magistrate Judge Frazier from the Southern District of Illinois. In that lecture, Judge Frazier imparted three simple rules that will allow almost anyone to be an effective lawyer. I have attempted to follow these rules in my practice and I will now share them with you.

1. Don't be a jerk.
2. Know the local rules.

I will get to number three in a moment. For now let's take a look at, what initially, seem to be very simple rules.

Rule Number One seems easy enough to do. Rarely does anyone truly believe they are a jerk. Nevertheless, there seems to be one in every crowd. Here's a simple test: if you are in a crowd and you can't spot the jerk, it's probably you. It seems like such a simple proposition, yet it can still be so difficult to carry out in practice. When another attorney calls and needs a continuance that won't really affect your client, it can be tempting to refuse just to make sure they won't be as prepared as they would normally. However, never forget that, as my grandpa used to say, "It's a you that needs the continuance. Your life as a lawyer will be so much easier by being someone who is regarded as "easy to work with" or *gasp* reasonable. You will also find that you are actually able to get better results for your client because attorneys on the other side of your case will often actually go to bat for you with their clients. Finally, and most importantly for your success as a practicing lawyer, other attorneys will happily refer you work.

Rule Number One applies to your relationship with everyone, but Rule Number Two particularly applies to your relationship with the judges you practice in front of. For those of you that don't know, the all jurisdictions have what are called "local rules." These are the rules developed by the judges for how they want attorneys to practice in front of them. They include rules for scheduling hearings, dealing with temporary and/or discovery issues, all the way down to what to wear and where to sit when you appear before the court. As I stated, these rules are developed by the judges and, not surprisingly, the judges tend to be very proud of their rules and they expect you, the humble barrister, to know them, respect them, and to follow them. Anytime I am about to appear before a court I have never practice in front of before, the first thing I do is download a copy of the local rules to familiarize myself with them. Your esteem with the court will increase exponentially by simply following the local rules.

Finally, Rule Number Three: WHEN IN DOUBT, SEE RULE NUMBER ONE. I cannot stress the importance of simply not being a jerk. Simply being a decent person will get you so far with judges, other lawyers, juries and clients. I am not saying you should not be a zealous advocate for your client, but it should always be tempered with a sense of fairness and decency.

These rules most assuredly over-simplify our beloved profession and will most certainly will not make you a cutting edge lawyer with an encyclopedic knowledge of the law. However, following these simple rules will allow you to enjoy and grow your practice.

Would an Alimony Formula Reduce Litigation?

2008-07-20T19:47:00.001-07:00

I read a good article in the ABA Journal discussing some of the efforts and trends to reduce the rancor often involved in divorce litigation. One of the points discussed in the article was the establishment of maintenance/alimony formulas. It really makes sense to me. We have formulas for child support across the country, so why not one for maintenance. The fact is, maintenance is an area in both of the states in which I practice (KY & IL) which is very wide open and subject to judicial discretion. This often leads to hearings and additional litigation that could be avoided if both sides knew essentially what the numbers were going to be. I would like to hear what others think on this issue. Please post a comment or send me an e-mail and let me know what you think.

"War of the Roses": Dark Comedy or Reality TV?

2008-07-20T19:09:00.000-07:00

I recently re-watched the movie "The War of the Roses." I actually hadn't watched it since I became a lawyer and I had forgotten most of the movie. In the movie, Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner star as a couple embroiled in a bitter divorce. It is supposed to be a dark satire on the divorce process and the extreme lengths some people go to when involved in divorce litigation. Danny Devito plays the husband's divorce attorney and attempts to be the voice of reason before Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner's characters wind up dead under a giant chandelier at the foot of the staircase of their contested home.

As I sat there watching this movie, I realized that I had encountered several similar situations. One spouse gets rid of another's prized pet? Been there. Damaging the other spouse's treasured car? Done that. Dividing the house in two sections because neither party will move out? Got the T-shirt. Honestly, the movie should probably be required viewing for anyone going through a divorce, especially those with children because the screenwriters and directors never let the audience forget the horrible toll the main characters' antics take on the kids.

The fact of the matter is that acting rationally is not something that is easy to do when going through a divorce. Everything becomes emotionally charged and everything starts to feel like a battle you want to "win." Sometimes people develop this twisted sense of right and wrong. For example,
"He's five minutes late to pick the kids up; no visitation for him. I win!"
"If they want me to pay child support, I'll just quit my job. I win!"

For the record, neither of those are "wins" and will usually wind up with a contempt sanction from the court. Further, the children wind up the real losers in both of those examples. Nevertheless, it is indicative of the type of insanity that can sit in during a divorce.

Because of this twisted sense of morality that sometimes sets in when people get divorced, it becomes extremely important to choose your lawyer wisely. While you want a lawyer who can empathize with you and understand what you are going through, the worst thing a lawyer can do for their clients is to identify with their clients and become emotionally invested in the case. You need someone who will maintain his objectivity and keep his head when you are losing yours. Your lawyer is not your psychotherapist; he's not your preacher; and he's not your best friend. He is there to advise you and guide you and your family through a difficult time and help you watch out for falling chandeliers.

Child Custody is not a decision left to children

2008-07-13T14:01:00.001-07:00

Somehow, it has become a common misconception that when a child reaches a magic age, usually around twelve or thirteen, he is now capable of deciding what is in his best interests and where he should live. Anyone who believes this is a good idea across the board, has either blocked their pubescent years from their memory or had a much different adolescence than I did. I can distinctly remember my cousins getting their hands on some contraband fireworks from Missouri one summer when I was about thirteen. We had a lot of fun blowing up ant hills and shooting bottle rockets at each other from our ramshackle "forts," but I would hardly say these decisions were in our best interests.

The fact of the matter is, many states, Kentucky and Illinois included, do have provisions where the court can consider the wishes of the child as to the decision of child custody. However, those wishes are merely one factor for the court to consider and the older the child, the more weight his/her wishes will be given. I get asked on a fairly routine basis at what age can a child decide where he/she will live and I usually glibly reply, "eighteen." The fact of the matter is, in the eyes of the law, a child is a child until he/she is eighteen. Until then, the child must be cared for by his/her parents or some other guardian. Therefore, it is the parents who should be deciding where the child lives and if they can't, then it is up to the courts.

Once the child reaches eighteen, however, he's on his own. My colleague Jim Calloway on his extremely informative blog tipped me off to NowThatYouAre18.org. It was developed by the bar association in Washoe County, Nevada, but it is full of practical advice for kids turning eighteen across the country and should be required reading for all newly minted "adults."

Welcome to the Alford Law Office Blog!

2008-07-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe, but it has been a full year since I opened my own solo practice here in Paducah. I have been very blessed and I hope that my clients have been pleased with the results. To celebrate, I am going live with a new website that my friend Jeff French at Zebra Graphics and I have been working on for some time now. I hope it provides users with a great deal of information whether I represent them or not. You can view it by clicking here or here.

Again, thanks to everyone for their support and I look forward to many more years of practice.